In Loving Memory of
Andrew David Cykman
November 14, 1980 - February 22, 2006

What does a father say about a son who has at the age of 25 has taken his own life.

About a son who made a decision to bring his life to an end, planning it out, communicating to his family in a letter exactly what he was intending to do, so that there would be no confusion about what he was doing, nor why he was doing it.

My son, Andrew, gave up on the world, long before the world, and the so many who loved him, would have ever given up on him. And yet, here we are.

In a letter written to us on the day he died, Andrew asked that none of us blame ourselves for a decision and a act that he claimed to be solely his own.

He wrote that he didn’t want our help, he didn’t want to keep trying to make this life work for him, he simply wanted out.

He also wrote that he would miss a lot of people, many of whom are in this room today.

In a hand scribbled note just moments before his death he included the words:

“I will miss the important people. They know who they are.”

I wish more than anything that Andrew had understood that he was an important person too.

I wish he could have seen all the important people in this room, people who loved him, who would have in a heartbeat, told him – hey Andy, you are important too.

But we never got that chance. And Andrew acknowledged in writing that he never gave us that chance.

So with those things in mind, I knew there were some thoughts that I really wanted to share with all of you who are here today.

First and foremost, if there is an outcome that I would like to have Andrew’s departure from this earth provide, it is for each and every person here to understand that you are an important person to God.

You are an important person to friends and family.

And each and every one of you were put here in this life, by our creator, for a reason.

God has a plan and a purpose for every life. Trust Him.

But as we see in Andrew’s case, he never believed this important truth about himself.

And we are all the poorer for it because he was a beautiful child, and a kind, kind soul, and could have become a wonderful, happy and healthy, young man.

So what else can we learn from his death.

I think what I would ask each of you to think about today, and tomorrow, and next week and next month and next year and for the rest of your life is this.

Are there people in your life, or even one person, who exhibits the signs of serious depression?

Does any one you know, exhibits things like:
· prolonged depression (sadness or irritability)
· feelings of extreme highs and lows
· excessive fears, worries and anxieties
· social withdrawal
· dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits
· strong feelings of anger
· growing inability to cope with daily problems and activities
· suicidal thoughts
· denial of obvious problems
· numerous unexplained physical ailments
· substance abuse

If you, or anyone you know seems to fit this description, please find help. Find a way to get yourself, or that person, some professional counseling and advice. Let them know that you care, and get a professional involved if there is any way possible. And please don’t assume that surely “other more important people” in his or her life must be aware of the problem, and that the person is at risk.

We need to all do a better job of looking out for one another.

You know, I don’t know how much more simply I can put this. The choice that Andrew made is just not the right answer.

All the people here in this room today are testimony to that truth.

And if I am talking to anyone here today who has been depressed and has been contemplating suicide, please get some help.

There are doctors, medicines, counselors, therapists, family and friends who are there and who can and will help.

And whether you believe in God, or think you don’t, he’s there and you can trust Him.

My son Andrew slipped between the cracks of life, and by his own confession, purposefully and consciously kept the “important people” in the dark.
About how sad and unhappy he was, and about how much pain he was in.

And now as we say our goodbyes, I pray that God, who is first and foremost a God of love and mercy and forgiveness, has taken Andrew into his arms, and brought him to a place of peace, and rest, and love.

May we each remember to let those we love around us know that they are important people in our lives.

May Andrew be granted his dying wish that he get to look down on us today, and may he finally see how many important people in his life believe that he was an important person too.

Thank you God for getting me through this.

And thank you all for being here.
     - Jonathan J Cykman

Andy, I did not get to work with you for long, but the one thing I know is that you were incredibly intelligent and didn't hesitate to share that with those who needed your wisdom. I am sorry that you felt this was the only way out. I contimplated it myself 20 years ago, but thank God that I had family and friends who recognized that I had a problem and helped me find a sensible way out of the depression. I hope that you have found peace and remember that you are important to us and God!
     - Amy Trantham

Andy, there are many days we feel down, feeling we have no one to turn to or talk to..but we do. Sometimes we don't won't to involve others in our personal life, so we struggle each day..to make it through. Sometimes we have good days, sometimes we have bad days, somedays we laugh somedays we cry..some days we ask, why even try.
But you're with the angels now, you're free to be in peace. No more demons at your side, no longer do you need to weep.
     -Jackie Thomas

Andy, I remember the first time I met you and Jenn at the apartment in Loma Linda, CA. I thought you were so cute!! You were so nice and sweet and laid back, and the only one who could really calm Jenn down back then. I miss you so much, my heart broke when Jenn called me at work that day last year and told me what had happened. I only wish that you had given me the opportunity to say goodbye, cause you were a dear friend to me and always will be. I think of you often, and I love and miss you. Emily
     -Emily Breault